Introduction to my Plans of Escape

Travelling has always been one of my great passions, visiting countries, experiencing new culture and meeting new people. I brush on it occasionally in my blog (Here) but never really go into much detail. So I have decided to create this blog, imposing upon the travelling writers of the internet with my most excellent (In teh words of Bill and Ted) tales of adventure and plans of prosperity.

My only hope is that with the help of my readers, possible sponsors and gratefully received donations I will be able to afford to visit countries as far flung as Australia. After each journey I will give full accounts of my travels, the people I met and the places I saw.

Thursday 20 March 2008

Day Something - Dachau - Two Week Europe Road Trip

On our last full day in Munich we decided to go to Dachau. Dachau is one of the first concentration camps used by the Nazi forces during world war 2, it was infact their 'prototype'.

When we arrived at the car park the skies were grey and rain was starting to spit upon us. A stiff breeze shook the nearby trees as we made our way to the site where an astonishing 200,000 prisoners where held, and where it is estimated that around 32,099 died there,

As we crossed the road into the path lined with poplars which thickened the oppressive atmosphere with a susurrus from the deep wind above shaking the leaves of the trees planted by the very prisoners that where liberated from the camp.

As you enter the camp you find yourself on the old marching grounds where the prisoners used to attend a role call every morning, It didnt take long to reach the barracks where you saw where the sleeping quaters for the prisoners used to stand, these had been constructed by the very prisoners that occupied them. By the time this camp was liberated nearly 1,600 prisoners where found in each building.

The amount of tragedy that had occured at this place did not really occur to me till I saw a picture, it showed one of the still standing trees beside it surrounded by decrepit prisoners, as I glanced up I saw the same building, the same tree hardly any taller.

It was not that long ago that people had lost their lives to a regeime of pure hatred.

While in Munich we learned of groups that sought to bring down the Nazi power from the inside, they tried to educate their own people about what was really happening in the war. If ever this happens again that one moment in Dachau would lend them my support.

Day 3 - Strasbourg to Munich - Two Week European Road Trip.

So we leave the strasbourg/kehl border behind and head off to find somewhere to sleep, eventually we come to a service station that looks like we might not get arse raped and get ready to kip for the night. Before dropping off though I headed to the toiler.

This toilet put to shame any English facility I had ever been in, the air was fresh, the walls sparkling and the urinals lit up when you started to piss. But the most amazing thing happened when I went for a dump. After flushing the toilet something happened that I have never seen before, its simplicity and yet extravagance hypnotized me.

Let me set the scene, you are very tired, ready for bed and you go to flush. A quite electric sound humms from the water tank behind the toilet and a small part detaches itself. A small arm with a disenfectant covered spounge decends onto the part of the toilet seat closest to it. After a couple of seconds the ENTIRE TOILET SEAT rotates, ensuring every partof the seat is clean and acceptable for the next user.

Jesus I have never been so impressed with anything in my life.

The next morning we woke up, anus intact and began the trip to Munich. The trip was fairly uneventful, progress was unfortunately pretty slow due to a torrential downpour limiting our vision considerably.

Eventually we arrived in one of the more famous of German cities, Munich or Munchen in the native tongue.

The streets are well kept the fountains are huge and the shops are filled with fantastic little trinkets. Even the beggars seem better, they dont just sit there mumbling spair change, they get on their knees and grovel, wail about their sorrows, and bow face to the floor infront of you hoping you will throw some spare change into their half a macdonalds cardboard cup.

Munich is a fantastic city, while we did not see it at its best due to unseasonally poor weather I fell in love with the city. From the cheap beer to the friendly people I found it hard to fault this city or the people in it. The architecture of many buildings was stunning, with their historic buildings given copious space unlike many similar places in the UK. We took a short walk through the English Gardens, A huge tract of land filled with english style foilage. Unlike many English gardens however the one in the centre of Munich comes with four huge beer gardens, a nudist area and even parts of the river where surfers can ride the current.

Our guide told us how in warmer weather the areas we passed would be thronged with people playing in the river, drinking in the spacious tree covered beer gardens and of course walking around naked. Fortunately due to the weather we avoided copious amounts of bodily hair, but rather disappointingly missed out on some of the worlds most renowned drinking areas.

We did however visit the Hofbrauhaus, this is renowned to visitors of this city, not only for its hefty steins of beef, large portions of filling food and authentic bovarian music but also for its locals, who drink here regularly and later on in teh night have a tendancy to dance on the tables and get truely wasted. The hofbrauhaus is the only place I have ever been in my life where they have a dedicated funnel type piece of apparatus specifically for people to be sick into. Interestingly they only have this in the mens... obviously the designers never went fora night out in Leeds.

The Hofbrauhaus is wher Hitler first started his campaign, though intially he was boo'd off and had glasses chucked at him this was later turned into one of his main establishments, if you look at the roof from the inside you can clearly see where the swastika were painted on the ceiling and later painted over with flags, though unfortunately still in the shape of the fallen symbol.

At our hostel (Its called the wombat hostel, would highly recommend it!) We met some fantastic people, Patrick the card genius, Eric scarily intense, think 7 minute abs off theres something about mary, Emi & Briannan (Not sure how she spelt it offhand, bloody aussies)and several other random people we played cards with. No other place was there the same kind of atmosphere as here.

At the hostel next door I vaguely remember meeting several other people, all of them seemed pretty cool, at this point however it was knocking on for 4 in the morning and I was pretty hammered.

I am hoping to go back to Munich this year, I couldn't fault it.

Day 2 - Boulogne to Strasbourg

After waking up and vacating the weary hostel slightly late we made our way to the car, which fortunately had not been broken into. Boulogne looked a much nicer city in the soft daylight, however it was time to head off to Strasbourg, a historic city on the border of France and Germany, exactly on the border infact. Actually it s so close to the border that you can drive over a bridge in what looks like the middle of a city and suddenly find you have driven through passport control.

Strasbourg is a beautiful city, the rivers are lined with luxury boats and just over the road is the German town of Kehl, unsurprisingly similar in basic style, but still with its slight differences, for instance I suddenly didn't have the faintest what the signs meant, at least in France I had been able to dredge my knowledge of under funded school French

As we arrived at Strasbourg after a gruelling day (For Keith) Driving across France we were glad of the sight before us, the hostel, a bed and a shower would not be far away. Oh how wrong we were. After getting lost several times looking for the 'beautiful world famous gardens' within which our hostel would be we eventually found we managed to find the place. It looked very quite. Too Quiet....

Initially I had found this hostel using my internet browser on my phone, little did I realise at this point that browsing approximately 5 webpages had cost me about £20, at this point I would like to make a brake in my story to raise two fingers and say, ahem FUCK YOU O2. But yes, the hostel guide we had brought informed me of something which the internet had not. The hostel was closed for refurbishment. Infact both of strasbourg's hostels where closed for refurbishment. You may have noticed I missed out a capital S in that last sentence, it was not a mistake, the city did not deserve it. Especially when I realised the second hostel was also closed for refurbishment.

There was a third, but the directions in the youth hostel guide are next to useless, so we took a quick look in Kehl, were our hopes of hostel reprieve were momentarily brought to bear. We found a promising hostel in the guide, quite a large one. At this moment in time we were praising the Germans, but we still couldn't find the hostel. After a long weary drive around the city several times we decided to call it a night and headed to MacDonald's to relieve ourselves after the arduous travels of the day.

It was while Keith was in the bathroom I approached a German man who looked like he might know the city, hoping for some vague directions to the youth hostel.

This mans name was Harold

That should have been warning enough.

So after I attempted to speak my weak German to him, despite knowing all of 'hallo' and 'spreken zeee engelish' it turned out Harold could speak English quite well, well enough to take the piss out of the French for their abysmal knowledge of the language.

Harold was a pretty friendly guy, maybe just a little too friendly, but he said that he would drive to the hostel and we could follow in our car. At this point I was not worried, however when he stopped in a deserted street with a dark grassy park beyond a couple of ominous concrete bollards I began to have my first doubts. Needless to say I was just a little relieved when, as walking through a deserted park with a strange man I saw the familiar blue sign of the YHA over the horizon. Not so welcome was the darkened look of the reception. after trying the aged buzzer several times Harold finally got an answer from a gruff half asleep German on the intercom. This man in no uncertain terms spoke rapid angry German to Harold which probably involved where the weary English travellers could stick their needs of a bed for the night, and that we had missed reception close by about half an hour. Utter. Cunt.

As we walked back to the car I started to become a little worried, Harold was offering to drive us all over looking for a new hostel, he was infact one of those people who are just a little too helpful for comfort. After a cursory glance in the back of his car it also seemed as if he lived in it, not a good sign. Especially when he started offering to show us car parks to sleep in...

After he took us to a train station car park he left, probably utterly disappointed that neither me or Keith had offered to bend over for him. By a unanimous decision we decided that a train station car park with only a thin pane of glass between us and Harold when he knew our exact location was not an ideal sleeping spot. We headed off towards Munich and found quite possibly the most amazing service station ever to sleep in...

Day One - Journey to Boulogne - Two Week European Road Trip

So the morning arrived, in a couple of hours we would be heading off to Dover. It was I thought about time I did all that packing malarkey. So two hours later with my clothes in a bag, my wash bag full and my random crap put in place I sit there thinking what in gods name I have forgotten.

This is the curse of the start of every holiday. You should be excited, raring to go, and looking forward to a fortnight of relaxation. Instead you find yourself morosely sat on the edge of your bed trying to remember what you have left. Your wild eyes scanning the room for the vaguest hint of what vital thing you have left behind in the turmoiled warzone of a mess you left while speed packing.

Fortunately this depressing saga soon came to an end. As the hour struck 11 me and Keith chucked our mound of luggage into his pristine (Slightly bird shit covered) car. With a slight sigh of relief as the final stash of cargo was stowed we jumped into the front seats of the worthy BMW and set off. The car started with a growl, relishing the challenge ahead, the lights in the gleaming distance turned green, and we were off!

The first (not so glamorous) port of call was the Tescos car wash, when we entered the continent for the first time we wanted to impress. A BMW is the perfect car for this, sleek but with muscle, an engine that growls and with an elegance well known by all people far and wide, whether they pronounce it B M Double Yew, B M Doubla Vay or B M Voe. So after a quick wash the car arrived bright and shiny, with only the most resilient of bird excrement surviving the onslaught of a Tescos Own Brand car wash.

The day was still fresh, the ferry was far in the future of a promising day, which I though, was probably just as well as we gradually crawled through some of York's less versatile motoring roads. Fortunately however we had soon left behind the inter city madness of snail paced traffic and made impressive progress on the road south, giving Keith an opportunity to stretch his speedometer.

I have to admit I thought it was slightly disappointing that we were leaving the fold of Great Britain just as the sun was starting to shine through after a dismal summer of rain and overcast clouds. Thank God all the newspapers were talking of the heat wave currently sitting over the continent with the stubbornness of a fat man on two bus seats.

The journey south sped by, and soon we saw the famous white cliffs surrounding the most famous of English ports, Dover. This was where we first began to experience the first impossible signs of trouble. After speeding into the first check point we were stopped by customs who brought in a dog to search our car. The dog was pretty damn good, it was trained to sniff out drugs and money to such a degree that it could even tell where money had been.. Of course when the man asked us to remove all items of food and cash out of the car I managed to leave my wallet in there, fool I am. I was more than impressed when the dog delved into my bag and found the pocket where 10 minutes earlier my stash of Euros had been held.

As we passed this checkpoint we hit the French customs, who also decided to check our car. I have very rarely been stopped before for looking suspicious, so for the second search I began to suspect that Keith was involved in some international smuggling ring to be gaining this amount of attention. Fortunately the Frenchman's way of searching our car, looking in the boot, seeing how much of a mess it was and waving us on. So customs passed we went to check in to our ferry..

The woman at the check in booth as we drove up to it had on a terminally bored face of one really wishing they where somewhere, anywhere, else. She was also incredibly quiet. So when she said that the order reference number we had was incorrect we were slightly worried. Fortunately after searching for Mr Taylor she pulled up his reservation details and we were passed our tickets for a ferry nearly an hour earlier than we were expecting, fantastic result!

Of course it was only later that we realised Keith had handed over the reservation details for the hostel instead of the ferry.

After getting into the wrong lane, down to the quiet lady seeming to say 2, not 209 we finally boarded the ferry and quickly made our way onto the decks above. This was the last time in just over two weeks that we would be seeing our homeland.

The sun was out as we left England, a promising sign from the journey ahead. As per my workmates instructions I took a picture of the pig and the penguin (Our mascots) with the white cliffs of Dover towering into the sky behind them. In less than three short hours we would be abroad, in the land of driving on the right, croissants and porn on the bottom shelves. Needless to say we could not wait.

Boulogne was our next destination, as soon as we were off the ferry we set off, leaving behind Calais towards our first stop off. From what our guide said the hostel had a bar, internet and a large number of rooms, needless to say we had high hopes for this place. Celebratory plans for my 23rd birthday in a different country that night in the form of a few pints were already underway, I was looking forward to celebrating my aging by another year in a completely new country.

After several wrong turns in Boulogne trying to find the hostel we parked up on the street and attempt to find the place, needless to say the hostel had advertised itself incredibly well by hiding all signs to indicate its presence in trees and shrubs. The car park for the hostel looked depressingly empty, similar in attendance to an aged bachelors funeral. Still, we did not give up hope, after collecting our room keys with Keith's impressive French lingual skills and my English in a French accent we head up to the room which, while sparse, was much better than some hostels I have stayed in.

The real disappointment was the bar. While it looked quite nice it was very empty, the only person in there had a big dog and looked like he had been a resident, and a drug dealer, at the hostel for a very very long time. The pool table was alright though, so we made ourselves at home and went to order a beer.

This is where we experienced for the very first time a foreign measure of beer. Their measures are not quite the same as ours, but I shall attempt to describe them in detail here.

Take one glass approximately the size of a slim jim glass.
Poor beer into glass with no tilt, allowing a health head approximately 1 third the size of the glass to develop.
Charge the price of a full pint despite it being about a quarter of the size.

That, I think just about covers it....

After several games of pool (Which I won, *Dances*) we decided to try and find a more lively drinking establishment, by this point the bar had become so dead that even the barmaid had left, never a good sign when you are looking for a heavy first night. The streets of Boulogne are quite nice, they are well lit, so you can clearly see the untied dogs half your size growling at you teeth bared. Fortunately though we made it to the town centre without painfully contracting rabies, leaving us with the minor matter of finding a pub.

France is well known as being a country of culture, their cafes are open till late serving food coffee and beer. Unfortunately there are not many places which give the pub like atmosphere an Englishman needs to relax and celebrate in. Eventually after a large walk we came upon an Irish bar.

Finally! I thought.

It seemed that fate had dropped us into the perfect place, in the window was a huge amount of Irish memorabilia, guiness items and little Irish flags. With uncontained excitement I stepped inside, instantly all Irish familiarity had gone. Two Guiness pumps stood alone and dusty on the bar, like two statues commemorating fallen soldiers. The bar itself seemed quite posh, and my mounting fear was confirmed when I ordered two pints, it took all of my self control to stop shouting TWELVE EUROS!!!! at the top of my voice, yes that's right folks, our first pub outside of a hostel had pints for six euros a piece.

It wasn't long before we discovered that Irish all so meant no air conditioning, as we went in for a quick game of pool (and unfortunately I lost this time) it didn't take long for the heat to leave me and Keith a couple of sweaty messes. Needless to say by the time we had drained our drinks we went in search of numerous other establishments. Unfortunately all of them followed the cafe culture style, no real drinking entertainment was to be found in this town.

There was a nicer side to this town though. While prices were high there were a few places we paced which looked quite lively, and some of the smaller streets captivated my attention. I would have wandered down a few more of these but after a days travelling we were both tired and I was not in the mood for getting randomly lost.

So with an air of defeat around us we headed back to our hostel for our first nights sleep on the continent.

Thursday 13 March 2008

In the style of a true Charity...

In the style of a true charity case I am going to point out what money donated will get - It amy not seem like much but it all adds up!

£1 - Donate one pound and you will have donated enough for two cans of red bull, enough to keep me travelling for four more hours during a night stint!

£5 - Five pounds is enough to feed me for two meals, massively reducing the risk of me starving to death.

£10 - A tour around one of many historc cities.

£15 - A bed for the night in a hostel, none of that sleeping in car with your help!

£20 - A decent meal, sampling the local cultures food.

£30 - A pissup, woohoo!

£50 - Enough fuel to reach another city!